Giving Your Man A Great Blow Job and Overcoming Your Inhibitions About It

Chapter1I am reposting this article. Every day, it gets read by at least 4 or 5 people. In fact it is my number one read article. I write for women to get over their inhibitions over giving their men oral sex. A man feels cheated and rejected and unloved when a woman refuses him this sublime pleasure. A woman who refuses this pleasure is not giving herlself completely to her man. I suggest getting over your inhibitions about this and become adept at pleasuring your man.

This is an age old discussion. There are many women who refuse to give their husbands blow jobs. “Ugh, gross, I am not going to do that”. “Little girl” inhibitions are cropping up again here. Do you want to have a Bill and Hillary marriage where your husband has to go to other women or hookers to get a blow job? That is the number one thing men visit hookers for. A great percentage of men who frequent prostitutes are married. By your refusal, you are then a stumbling block for him as forbidden in the chapter on sex and the bible. Some of you will give your men blow jobs but won’t allow him to come in your mouth. Some of you will give him a blow job but then will spit out his semen. You claim that you don’t like the taste. Imagine if your husband went down on you but then spit out the vaginal secretions that he got in his mouth. How likely would you want him to go down on you again? What if he would not go down on you because he claimed not to like your taste? Really, when you tell your husband that, you are telling him that you think that he is disgusting and more of that age old sexism where women are good and men are bad.

If you really want to be cherished by your husband, and you want to show him your love, you need to learn to give him good blow jobs. Any woman can lay there with her legs spread and think about other things while her poor husband pumps away at her. It takes love and commitment to take his penis (dick) in your mouth and make love to him. It is intensely personal and loving. Without it, he feels profoundly cheated and disappointed.

For those of you who have a problem with getting semen in your mouth, you can take an intermediate step. You can put a condom on your husband’s dick (penis) and give him the blow job and you are not going to get any semen in your mouth. You can use it as a “baby step” to make progress. You can feel him ejaculate but not actually get the semen in your mouth. You should use this technique as a way to progress to a full blow job where you allow your husband to come in your mouth and swallow. At the very least, you should use this technique to give him a blow job. I know of women out there who won’t even take their husband’s dick in their mouth. I ask you if you are one of those women, why did you even bother to get married anyway? You need to get over this. You can if you have the right attitude. You can through a desensitization process called “successive approximations.” This basically means getting a little closer each time. Others would call it “baby steps”. The point being is that you are getting closer and making progress in moving forward in pleasing and loving your husband.

Now I know that many of you out there will complain about taste or consistency. Neither of those issues needs to be a problem if you have the right attitude and practice the right technique. It is really a simple matter to solve. When your husband’s climax is imminent, instead of trying to block his ejaculation with your tongue, you simply let him shoot to the back of your throat. You then quickly swallow. This solves both problems. You won’t taste his semen because all of your taste buds are on the front of your tongue. Following my technique you therefore don’t taste his semen. You also don’t have the consistency issue to deal with because again it is not hitting your tongue. Allowing him to shoot in the back of your throat, it simply feels like a little extra saliva in your mouth. If you spit out his semen, you get it on your tongue and have the taste and consistency to deal with. You can do this if you decide to.

For all you feminists out there who claim to espouse equal rights, how is it fair for you to expect your man to go down on you and you don’t return the favor? Where is his equal rights? Besides that, your vaginal secretions taste remarkably similar to his semen. Hillary is a feminist who obviously does not give Bill blowjobs and look what that got her. Do you really think that they have a happy marriage? Do you think that they are achieving “happily ever after”?

If you have not given your husband a blow job but have now decided to, it is not difficult. He will love you for attempting to please him. You simply go down on him and suck. If his penis is limp, you can generally take his whole dick (penis) in your mouth. You suck on it like you are sucking a milk shake through a straw. You also place your tongue firmly against his dick (penis). As his dick grows to a full erection, you go down as deeply on it as you comfortably can without gagging. You then wrap your hand around his dick (penis) at that point as a marker and don’t go deeper than that when you start vigorously thrusting up and down on the shaft of his dick. If your jaw gets tired or you need to remove your mouth to catch your breath, it is imperative that you continue stroking his dick with your hand or he will lose the momentum of getting to the point of ejaculating. If you stop, then you will have to start all over again.

There are other very obvious reasons to give your husbands blow jobs. Most of you won’t consider having intercourse when you are on your period. Why should your husband be deprived of sex just because you are on your period? If you really love him and care about his needs, you won’t deprive him of sexual relief. After childbirth, you are forbidden from intercourse for 6 weeks on average. Again, why should your husband be forced to masturbate? Many women feel that they have the right to deprive him after childbirth. In fact many of you deprive your husband sex for months after giving birth claiming that you are too tired. He feels rejected, lonely and resentful towards you and the new baby.

Let me give you a technique that requires little energy expenditure from you and yet gets your husband off fairly quickly and keeps him happy and satisfied. This would involve two props: a pair of your lacy and silky panties and our Power Tool Vibrator. (go to our website to order this fantastic product) You give him a little foreplay by stroking your nipples across his penis (dick). You then start sucking his dick and take those silky panties, (the satiny back panel of the panties) and lightly stroke them across the underside of his scrotum (balls, nut-sack) This area is extremely sensitive to him. You continue to rapidly stroke very lightly with those panties on the underside of his scrotum while you are sucking on him. The silkiness of your panties causes him to think in terms of how silky the interior of your vagina (pussy) feels when it is well lubricated. You then turn the Power Tool Vibrator on high and place the bulb firmly on the base of his penis (dick). You simply hold the bulb of the vibrator firmly against the base of his dick while you are sucking him. It is a very powerful stimulant to him and will cause him to get off much quicker, thereby conserving energy on your part. It will also give him a mind blowing orgasm because of the combination of the sensation of you sucking him, stroking him with your panties and the powerful vibrator. Don’t be surprised if he screams in ecstasy in the most intense orgasm he has ever had.

Now for you women who absolutely refuse to give your husband a blowjob or who won’t let him come in your mouth, there is a variation of the above scenario. You simply not only stroke those silky panties under his testicles, but you wrap the silky side of the panties around his cock and stroke them up and down his dick. You then place the Power Tool Vibrator at the base of his dick and let him ejaculate into your panties. He will fantasize about coming inside of you. It will take care of his urgent need for sexual relief and is so much better than making him masturbate. You should never ever make your husband masturbate to relieve himself. He will have a lot of resentment towards you because you are not taking care of his sexual needs. The above technique is not the best, but you should promise him that you will never ever deny him sex again, even if you have to give it to him less than what he desires.

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About Marriagecoach1

I am a marriage, relationship and sexual coach. I am one of a handful of clinicians who treat clients holistically, dealing with all 3 aspects of our being; mind, body and spirit.

  • http://woodynyou.wordpress.com woodynyou

    I would never go to a protistute fo ra blow job — I would be terrified of getting an STD.

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    • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

      Thanks for the kind words
      John Wilder

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  • Sharon Cochrane

    I speak to many married men who are so totally unhappy because their wives won’t suck their cocks anymore – they are terribly frustrated, feel undesirable, lose their confidence in themselves, and it affects their mental health. What is wrong with these women? Their husbands are straying to porno, other women, and to me because I will listen to their dirty talk. But what can I say to help them?

    • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

      A whole lot of women are self centered. It does not help that feminists encourage this. If you think about it it takes so little to please a man and keep him contented. Men are much simpler than women.

      In defense of women, we live in a very puritanical society and as a result have the highest divorce rate on the planet, the highest incidence of sexual assault on the planet. It is in part because of parents and the churches who teach little girlst that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it. By the time a woman is ready to embrace her sexuality, she is often so negatively conditioned that it ruins her for life. The churches never teach the sex positive messages in the bible that commands us to have great sex lives.

      Blessings on you and yours
      John Wilder

    • Jack

      I been married for almost 30 years .I only got 5 blow job.Iam getting tired of begging her . So I just find me a whore & give her $75 for deep throat b.j Iam very happy now no more waiting or begging from my wife for bj

      • Marriagecoach1

        Hey Jack
        Do you think that she would talk to me? I will give you each a half hour free
        consultation, I am pretty good at what I do.
        John

  • hacker5

    hi all,

    my wife refuses to give me blow job. we have had serveral fights about this. i am just tired of trying to talk to her about it again. advice pls

    • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

      You have my deepest sympathies? I have for the record before I enter into a relationship with a woman insist that she be willing to provide blow jobs willingly and lovingly or there will be no relationship. Nothing makes you feel better when she gulps down your come and nothing makes you feel worse than when she refuses.

      How about negotiating for it with something that she really wants?

      Blessings on you and yours
      John Wilder

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  • unsatisfied

    I am a married woman and very in love with my husband. I do give my husband bjs, but not often and only before sex. As for swallowing….I did it to him once when we were dating, but never since. The reason? To be honest I love giving head, and I don’t mind swallowing. My husband does not go down on me, and if he does…it’s terrible.( he has only done it 2 or 3 times over 11 years) I really don’t know why. I shave complete, take a shower every day, and have a healthy diet. I just don’t think he can handle the taste, but I still love him anyway. (wouldn’t go looking for some man-whore to go down on me..lol)I know he would like me to just give him oral until he cums, but don’t feel he has the right to ask. He never does…I suppose he agrees. Sometimes I wish it could be different, but to tell you the truth it does hurt that he won’t go down on me. I get the urge to suck my man’s cock until he finishes sometimes, but I want to cum too. Intercourse is the only way I get my pleasure and if he cums…no pleasure for me. My husband will also not have sex with me while I am on my period( I get horny on my period)…I have to masturbate. I don’t force him. So it is not just men who are having these sorts of troubles…us ladies enjoy oral pleasure too.

    So husbands…go down on your wives, and do a good job. Be sure she cums…lots of women like to fake it just to make you feel better…strange but true. You will not be able to mistake it when she Really does cum. If you do this she will worship your dick by sucking you dry. I know I would, and this is the truth.

    BTW…about the “after giving birth thing”, I had a c-section…after that I simply didn’t feel like sex for awhile….includes bjs. My husband had a hernia, and had to have surgery…I didn’t get sex for about 2 months…hmmm…I don’t think you are being very fair about the birth thing. Give your lady time to heal…she’ll love you for it. In most cases women should please the husband as much as possible (if she is getting pleased as well).

    I wish luck to all ladies and gentlemen in getting and giving some great oral sex.

    • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

      Hey Claire:

      You have my complete sympathy. If you read my other blogs, I take men on for their selfishness in bed. I teach them when it comes to orgasms, it is ladies first. I teach men to give a woman head before he ever mounts her and bring her to orgasm. It makes interccourse more pleasurable for the woman. I also teach them to when they feel like they are going to come, to pull it out and go back down on his woman and give her another climax and then climb back on. Doing it this way, you can have sex for a couple of hours instead of a couple of minutes. I tell men that sex feels good, why rush through it. I tell them if they took better care of their women then women would be more likely to give them sex.

      Now I must disagree with you about giving a woman head and she will give it back. I have given a lot of women head and brought them to great climaxes and still they would not blow me. My deal is no mutual head, no relationship.

      As to sex on periods too many women refuse to have sex on their period. I say, the only reason to refrain is on your heaviest day but on the other days, then put a towel under her butt and go for it.

      For what it is worth, I give free half hour consultations, if you would like me to talk sense to your husband. Otherwise, find my blogs for men on how to make love to a woman and have him read them.

      Blessings on you and yours
      John Wilder

      • Becker0109

        I used to be first to “arrive” but after awhile I saw the dissatisfaction in my wife’s eyes. I remember the “verbal lessons” I learned from my female friends as I was growing up. I applied them, got decent enough to give her an “O.” After I saw the pleasure on her face as she rode the orgasmic waves it turned me around. I’m not a prude and I’ve seen the destruction that a “less than satisfied” marriage can do the both a man and a woman. I find that a Christian marriage can have the trappings of a “worldview” that’s against God’s view of marriage as He spilled it out from Genesis to/through the New Testament. The Song of Solomon, Ephesians 5, and other scripture are the basis of a God blessed marriage.

        • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

          Yes and don’t forget Proverbs 5 where he says: “L:et her breast satisfy thee at all times and be thou always ravished in her love”
          Ravished is just biblical word for great sex. Also I Cor 7 where neither partner can deny each other sex.

          John Wilder

    • http://Google Tim

      If you love each other as the vows that we all took when we stood there in front of all our friends and family. Then we ((husband and wife both)) should be willing to do what ever pleases the other one within set boundaries. If he doesn’t like the taste then try chocolate syrup, strawberry syrup, whip cream, do it in the shower while you are on your period, have him go down on you in the shower it put’s a hole new twist on everything!!!!!!! If he wont i will!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Marriagecoach1

        Tim you blew your own credibility talking about vows and then offering to violate vows. I am trying to show people
        how to improve their marriages and sex lives on here
        John Wilder

        • http://Google Tim

          John why didnt you post my response to your attack about my credibility. I still feel that it wasnt anything more than bad joke because if i was serious dont you think i would have put contact information into my statement or again are you just like dr. Phill and like to make your conversations all one sided sir? Talk about destroying credibility!!!!!! I took it on the chin why cant you?????

          Tim

          • http://Google Tim

            Hmmmm and yet i see another person is talking about how you take things down that dont agree with….. Now who is a criditic????? Dont you dare judge me for a bad/ distastefull joke…..
            You DR.PHILL want to be.

  • nicola copeland

    me and my husband have been together 16 years , married for nearly 3 and the sex is nothing but fantastic :) im not entirley happy with giving blow jobs but my husband loves me to do it do him so how can i say no to him , we have sex about 4 times a week and he will spend hours going down on me , he can make me orgasm with out putting his penis in me and its fantastic , i normally surprise him with blowjobs , if hes on a late shift and im sure the kids are in bed ill wait by the front door with no clothes on and give him a blow job as soon as he walks through the door :) or ill unzip his jeans and give him a blow job while hes watching telly :) , he always rubs my arm just before he comes to let me know and then i swallow it down , he really loves it , i love to tie him up give him a blow job then get on top and ride him with the cum still in my mouth xx

    • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

      Nicola
      You sound like a great wife and your husband is lucky to have you. You got me hot just reading
      what you wrote.
      Blessings on you and yours
      John

  • Becker0109

    I forgot to say that Christ modeled servant to the world so why not model it in your marriage?? Men, serve your wife expecting nothing,

    • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

      Well there are givers and takers in the world. Too often a giver marries a taker and starves to death emotionally.
      John Wilder

  • Becker0109

    John, you’re correct. I’ve seen women turn their attitude around when the Model of a servant is put in place. Often a husband will, for a few weeks do the “model” method, but the wife is watching to see if there is an expectation around the corner. Once she sees that he’s serving her out of his love for her she can usually turn around her attitude, knowing that he’s to be trusted. Only with the “trust” issue solved can a wife give herself fully to her husband. I believe a woman has have that trust “line” established if she’s to allow her her her “flight or fight” reaction to come to trust her man. Great blog and thanks!!!

  • Becker0109

    My use of “women, woman, man, or men” can be interchanged depending on who’s reading my response.

  • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

    Hey Becker0109
    I agree in principle. In reality too often this is not the case. I would cite for you Promise Keepers. They were given this model and told that if they did this their wives would be more sexually giving.

    The movement has basically died because I have heard over and over that the guys admiiting to needing to do it better and that they did and still were not getting any more sex. Sadly statistics show that women with kids at home have their husbands on a “starvation diet of sex once a week or less. They get buried in mommy mode and neglect the wife mode.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John

  • Becker0109

    Great point and I understand it. I wonder if the Promise Keepers (PK’s) promised a return on the “investment” (Servant model)might have been leaked by a over anxious believer, and in the heat of a “no way” by his wife, he spilled the “guarantee?” Is so, that can go back to the “expection” role that many wives have come to see; thus the starvation that you refer to. In the end the guy is “held up” and the wives break the biblical stipulation to also serve their husband, as unto Christ. Either way the husband is left feeling alone, insecure, detached, and unloved by his wife.
    Again, a great point!!

  • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

    Well there is a biblical expectation that men have that their wives will satisfy their needs. I forgot to mention that the stat on wives starving husbands is about 60% but of course that leaves 40% who are taking care of their men.

    And you are quite right it leaves the man feeling unloved unappreciated, insecure, lonely and vulnerable to temptation.

    The bible is pretty clear in not being a stumbling block to our brother Brother is of course generic and can easily mean husbands.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John

  • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

    I have often seen women rallying around another woman when a guy is caught cheating on her. They NEVER ask her was she taking care of her man at home, it is that evil no good for nothing man who is TOTALLY at fault. Sadly church women are the most guilty of this because they have bought the lesson that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it.

    John

  • Tiffany

    Great article. I dont see how females couldnt like giving bjs. Looking up while sucking on his shaft (penis) and seeing how turned on he is and feeling it throbbing in your mouth has always been a turn on for me. In terms of taste, I always thought the saltiness is quite enjoyable and a good source of protein ;-))). Have him eat watermelon before blowing his load in your mouth. It does make a difference. An alternative to swallowing would be to have him blow it on your tits. In my experience a huge turn on for him and it feels nice and warm for you. As a bonus put some on ur fingertip and suck it off and make sure you moan while doing it, telling him how great he tastes, or, if you re well endowed, suck it from ur nipples. Your man will never go astray

    • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

      Hey Tiffany
      You are so right. There are a lot of self centered women out there. Most women have dreamed
      of happily ever after but seldom give any thought about what “happily ever after” looks like for a
      man. Thanks for your comments
      John

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  • Wendy

    What if you give your husband numerous blow jobs letting him come in your mouth and you taking time to please him, but he only gives you sex probably one time a month and sometimes one time in two months. What could you do besides masturbate when you (woman) wants sex?

    • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

      Wendy
      I don’t know if you are a christian or not but I Cor 7 says that neither the husband or the wife
      own their body but it belongs to each other and neither are allowed to deny their partner sex.

      You are obviously a great wife but your hubby is not doing right by you. Men would kill to have a wife like you.
      Why does he say that he only wants to have sex with you once a month?

      John Wilder

      • http://Lok Lok

        Hi John,
        It is with great joy that I am writing this. Remember me, LOK? I had written about my wife’s reservation about blowjob. Now, we have reached a point where I wear a condom that is cut open from the top, so that only the foreskin portion is exposed, and she blows me comfortably.

        • Marriagecoach1

          Lok
          I am so happy for you. Nothing says love to a man than a woman taking his penis in her mouth and giving you pleasure.
          I am so happy for you. There are a lot of other guys out there who would envy you. Be sure to give her a LOT of
          oral pleasure in return.
          John

    • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

      By the way, I do give a free half hour consultation should you want to take me up on it.
      John

  • Sunny

    I want to partially thank you for this post, in giving tips on how to overcome the “grossness” of giving a blow job. Although the post does seem quite selfish in a sense. “why deprive your man when you are on your period?” Seriously, like us women choose to have our periods and you don’t think we are deprived of sexual pleasure when we are on our periods? We have to suffer worse than a man whose “not getting any” with the cramps, and yes the red stuff too. We would gladly trade it off to any man that was able to handle it. Hence, the reason women have periods, men are too pussy to handle it. And the 6 weeks after child birth.. oh yeah, the first thing we are thinking about is sucking cock! Not hardly. We just pushed out an extremely large watermelon out of our cooch AND have to bleed for up to 6 weeks after that AND have a new baby to take care of (in which the women do most of anways, while they are recovering) A REAL man would never do a Bill Clinton on his significant other, he would understand the reasoning why a blow job isn’t the first thing on their mind. In addition, men have fantasies and even after giving them their ultimate blow job, they will move on to the next and then the next and then the next fantasy.. pretty soon we would be having to invite all the neighbors over. I have an extremely good sex life with my man and I don’t deny him blow jobs because he isn’t worthy, I do it because of the texture and the seeping. I have a very week stomach and it makes me gag instantly. This is something I really want to do for him and googled on how to be able to do it, I just didn’t realize that while learning how to overcome it, I was going to be belittled for being a woman at the same time. So thank you for the article.. half of it at least.

    • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

      Hey Sunny
      Thanks for dropping by and giving me your comments.

      As to the period sex. I have another post on having sex on your period.
      I also do the Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator (powerful electric vib)for my woman when she is on herperiod so that she is not deprived. I am very pro pampering for women.

      As to the gagging, I can help you to overcome that. Millions of other
      women do. It makes him feel loved, cherished and special when you do
      this for him and feels the opposite when you refuse him.

      Climaxes help with period cramps believe it or not.

      You need to continue to be a wife to your husband after you have kids.

      Blessings on you and yours
      John

  • Tim

    Hi, I’ve been married to my wife for 13 years. When we first got together all she wanted to do is give me blowjobs. As the years went by they got less and less, now she won’t even do it and says it makes her feel like a slut. I feel cheated, resentful, angry and unattractive. I often think of cheating on her just to get a blowjob. This article really hit home with me and I would show it to my wife but in her eyes I’d just be a pig. She doesn’t know how bad she’s hurting me. We usually end up in a huge fight if I bring it up so I don’t anymore it’s just not worth it. Thank you for writing about this kind of stuff. Women should know what they’re putting their men through by not doing such a simple thing.

    Thanks again!

    • http://marriagecoach1.wordpress.com marriagecoach1

      Hey Tim
      I feel your pain. Tell her that I TOLD YOU TO SHOW IT TO HER.

      I also give free half hour consultations and I would be glad to chat with her about it.

      John Wilder

  • conceptualclarity

    I am very interested by what marriagecoach1said about Promise Keepers. If you have any more details to flesh that out, please do. I felt Promise Keepers was on the whole a very healthy thing. But I couldn’t have gotten involved in it for two reasons. One, they in reality turned the Bible upside down and made the wife the head and the husband the subordinate who dared not displease her lest he be guilty of being “controlling.” They were totally biased and completely took the side of wives against husbands, it seemed to me. PK was teaching men to be the very kind of submissive wimps whom women lose attraction for; that was hardly a blessing to the family unit. Second, they told men that they were to blame for all that is wrong in America, especially the decline of the family. (That message continues to go forth in many evangelical churches on Father’s Day.) In my view that is hideous nonsense. It is feminism-corrupted women who disregard their marriage vows and abandon their husbands or bear babies out of wedlock, often on purpose, who are destroying the family in America. If women’s inclination to abandon was no greater than men’s, it would be a drastic improvement for the family in America.

    I hope there will be a new Christian men’s movement arise, free of the feminist-influenced male self-hatred that marred Promise Keepers, a movement of alpha male leaders who are proud to be men and to take without apology the role in home, church, and society that God intends men to have.

    • conceptualclarity

      It seems to that what you are saying is Promise Keepers failed in large part because there was no parallel national movement calling Christian women to repent. It seems as though there was a ludicrous assumption that not a whole lot of repentance was needed among America’s Christian women. Indeed, in my denomination, every year they have a state women’s conference with what I think is the telling name of “Eat Thou Honey.”

      PK’s premise that the only thing needed to fix the Christian family in America was repentant men was false and unbiblical from the outset. Proverbs 14 :1 says : “The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” A lot of American homes, including Christian ones, are being torn down by women who have imbibed the foolish leaven of feminist misandry and female entitlement.

      • Marriagecoach1

        Hey Clarity
        Thanks for stopping by and offering your very cogent comments to the mix
        John Wilder

    • Marriagecoach1

      Hey Clarity
      More great comments
      John

  • eh

    very good and realistic topic as well as ways to deal with this intimate issue on basis of being considerate equal and fair from both partners ultimately arriving at mustual pleasures and climax for both

    • Marriagecoach1

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting

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    • Marriagecoach1

      thanks warp

  • Yahya

    I’m glad i’m not alone on above. I have been married for over 6 years with 1 daughter. I can’t fault my wife for all other things such as family values, money, how she is with my parents etc. However the one key critical she has never proper seen to is my sexual needs in particular getting a BJ. I get so frustrated/angry when I don’t get what I want. I go down on her, kiss, cuddle her and she never returns the favor by going down on me.

    I’ve had a period of 12 months of no sex in the past because she was “pregnant, feels like shit, tired headache etc”. I tried to do whatever I could to make it easier for her e.g doing all domestics round the house so she is free for me but I got rejected. I gave up working weekends so I spend more time at home I got nothing. So I took her and my daughter on vacations abroad, going out more as a family, engaging more in her family events, booking weekend trips away still I get nothing. If she’s in the mood i might get sex getting laid is a million miles off.

    I got fed up of waiting and did the wrong thing by going elsewhere for my needs and actually being happy but at the same time really disappointed how my home life has worked out . At the time I did not regret what I did because as a man I did not know what else to do. As far as I was concerned I did everything I possibly could for my wife.

    I seriously considered divorce as at this point “love, taking her out, complementing her” all went out the window for me. In my mind I kind of accepted she is not going to change. Divorce being the absolute last action in most religions I decided against this and tried to discuss with other elders in the family including my wife & her parents to try and find a resolution plus with divorce it my daughter that looses out the most so for the her sake I decided I must try and try harder. Plus I got threatened with the usual ‘Ill take your house and money”. What choices did I really have?

    So my wife kinda grudgingly accepts shes in the wrong and she needs to see to my needs so we have a period of a bit more sex (Once-Twice a week) still no BJ. I told her if your forcing yourself to have have sex with me then I’d rather not. “If you lovingly see to my needs including BJ” you’ll soon find you’ll have everything you possibly want from a loving happy husband it is really that simple.

    I thought to myself if I am getting sex once/twice a week I should count myself lucky I can’t be dealing with another 12 months of no sex, however not getting my wife to lovingly give me what I really want which is to be laid and have sex on a regular basis is making my mental state really bad. I am constantly angry about everything, upset and I can see myself lashing out towards my wife in the near future over this. What frustrating me the most I am changing to something I am not. My personality is loud, happy, hard work ethic. Since being married my personality has changed to being so quiet, no confidence and have no interest in doing anything. I really don’t know what to do. Please help

    • Marriagecoach1

      Hey Yahya
      Will she talk to me? I will give you both a half hour free consultation.
      I am good at what I do. Ask her to chat with me and send me your phone
      number and a good time to call and I will see what I can do to help.

      John

      • Yahya

        She may do I will discuss with her but we live in UK so not sure how it would work with calling and time difference..?

        • Marriagecoach1

          Hey Yahya
          There is a seven hour time difference that we can deal with. If you have to pay
          for long distance calling you can sign up for Yahoo IM where we can talk for free
          over the internet
          John

  • Mike

    This sounds like my life. I love my wife very much. Married now 19 years, dated for 7 years before that. Had great sex before marriage and during our first few years. Then it slowed. A few years ago oral sex disappeared.

    I realize that life-happiness in a marriage isn’t dependent on my spouse. We don’t have to agree on much for me to be happy, as I can generally make my own happiness, as can she. But, when it comes to sex, I’d really prefer to be happy with my spouse. I’ve never wanted to cheat.

    More recently, even regular sex has started to wane. Now, we are simply room-mates (Occasionally she gives in, but by then I’m so resentful that I don’t even enjoy it anymore.) The withdrawal has poisoned my feelings for the rest of our marriage.

    It hurts me because besides this, we are good life partners. We have great kids. We do well financially.

    I’ve never wanted to cheat before, but I’m at the point now where I’m not sure I care anymore. Worse, I’m not sure I’d feel guilty about it. Actually I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t. I’m hurt. I’m even losing desire to fix this. After 19 years of marriage, and some very trying times that we survived as a team, what a pathetic shame that it’s come down to something so stupid. I never thought this is how our marriage would end up.

    • Marriagecoach1

      Hey Mike
      Do you think that she would talk to me? I will give you each a free half
      hour consultation and I offer a satisfaction guarantee or you don’t pay me.
      John Wilder

      • Mike

        I don’t know. Counseling in the past has failed, and now she’s so jaded on the idea that I’m basically on my own to figure out how to fix things. (It is difficult to build a marriage with one party.) I’ll run it by her at some point. This isn’t a good week as she’s screaming about everything. As for me, I’m willing to try anything, but I fear the window to do anything is closing rapidly to where I’ll either have to live the rest of my life this way, or one day do the unthinkable and end a long marriage.

        I’ll contact you via e-mail if she is open to trying this.

        I thank you for your kind offer.

  • daniel

    I wrote a long comment here not agreeing with what you were saying. You initially approved it and made a point of having done so. Surprise surprise though you have taken it down so that people can only see comments that are in agreement with you. That is a dishonest way to run a website and shows cowardice and makes it look like you just want to sell yourself and your beliefs.

    • Marriagecoach1

      Daniel
      I did not take it down, I suspect a glitch on wordpress. You are free to disagree with me but
      I stand by my comments.
      John Wilder

  • Concerned and unhappy wife.

    This is a load of crap. What if a man is always yelling at his wife and demanding a blowjob? What if a man cannot bring his wife to a climax while going down on her and while having sex must she just do her wifely duty anyway. Where is the pleasure for the women????????? This is so against woman’s feelings.

    • Marriagecoach1

      Hey Concerned
      I have no patience with men who are lousy in bed. I write this blog for BOTH men and women.
      Yelling is verbal abuse and you need to have a conversation with him that you will not tolerate it
      and he DEFINITELY WON’T GET WHAT HE WANTS BY YELLING!

      As to bringing you to orgasm, you need to give him tips on how to do it. Each women responds differently
      and if you don’t give him feedback how is to know. For example, my ex wife had a boob job that made
      her boobs hypersensitive and she did not like me playing with them and I had to suck on them VERY GENTLY.

      After my divorce, the first woman that I made love with told me that she liked having her nipples sucked
      very hard. Had she not told me, I would havE continued sucking them gently and she would have told her
      girlfriends how lousy I was in bed. Communication is key and you can’t expect him to know what pleases
      you unless you tell him clearly.

      Johjn Wilder

  • Trinity

    Can you write a similar article for men who are selfish in bed, who expect blowjobs without wanting to go down on their wives, who don’t feel the need for foreplay, & who are only concerned with their own orgasm? I’m a woman in that situation & sexual inequality is never acceptable in a relationship either way. And I agree with you, it feels horribly demeaning to be rejected for oral sex by your partner, especially when they expect it from you!

    • Marriagecoach1

      Hey Trinity, I have written numerous articles for men to please their women better in bed.

      What I suggest is that you have a conversation with him about doing more for you in bed outside the bedroom.
      If that fails refuse him blow jobs unless and until he goes down on you.
      John

  • john

    My girlfriend of 2 years suddenly informed me the other day when i made a juvenile joke about my ice cream looking like a penis that “she feels terrible when my penis is in her mouth”. We live together and she wants to marry but i felt funny after she said this. After 2 years i had worked out that she didn’t exactly view its as the best part of sex and that she probably wasn’t keen on it (though she seemed to like it on the odd occasion) so i was only doing it once every few months if that these days anyway and i have never even tried cumming in her mouth or deep throating her or anything more extreme like that.
    But to here her put it like that made me feel pretty bad ie like i had been raping and violating her and i now feel like my genitals are viewed somewhat as being repulsive. The result is i now cannot get aroused around her at all even for normal sex. The emotions it gave me are such that my member just shrivels in shame at the thought of her.
    I don’t really understand why she might feel that as i am always giving her copious amounts of oral which she for the most part thoroughly enjoys and i sometimes get her to climax through oral. I don’t understand as i always love putting my head between her legs and playing around kissing it touching it rubbing it etc etc, i am always attracted to that and it gives me warm fuzzy feelings i couldn’t comprehend finding it “terrible”.

    • Marriagecoach1

      Hey John
      Welcome to the “brotherhood” of blow job starved husbands.
      I can explain this partially. Many women grew up with the idea
      that sex was “bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it”.

      Also it is part of the feminist movement with the modus operandi:
      “women good, men bad”.

      Here is what I recommend: Talk to her and show her what you wrote
      and ask her what about your penis in her mouth bothers her? Ask her
      if she were sexually abused as a child and forced to suck on some
      older man’s penis or a relative. Then again explain to her how it makes
      you feel. If that does not work, ask her if she would be willing
      to talk to me about it. I will give her a half hour free complimentary
      session to talk with her if you like. I am good at this and I think
      that I can help if all else fails. What do you say?

      John Wilder

  • ann

    hi marriage coach,
    im a married woman and i give my husband a bj almost every day with swallowing. to be honest i never did this with my other bfs. my best friend told me i need to do this and it is the “key” to success in relationship. lol.
    now were married all we ever do is me giving him a bj. he doesnt consider my pleasure most of the time. i have to please myself. i look at porn and upon reaching climax i feel angry or irritated for some reason.
    everything else with my husband is fine. he does pleasure me sometimes but it is like 3x in 4 months. sometimes he smells weird down there and i still do it..im very hygeinic and wash all the time with the proper things..i bath all the time when i can. i dont go to bed straight from work or outside.
    im wondering how long i can put up with this, cause im starting to think that this is going to be how it is for me.

    by the way it would be great if you put a link on your power tool vibrator, cause i dont see it anywhere here and Google isnt helping.

    • Marriagecoach1

      Hey Ann
      You have every right to be angry. This is not what I recommend for anyone. I tell men more so than women to take better care of their wives sexually. I tell you what I can send you a free copy of my book for you to read and then suggest to your hubby some of the ideas in there about how men can do it better for their wives. I am still in the process of getting the site up and will have the power tool vibe up in a few weeks. Send me a request to my professional email address at marriagecoach@yahoo.com. All I ask is for you to give me your opinion on it and rate it once it is published on Amazon.

      John

  • ORACLE

    Marriage coach..lol…show me a relationship that stays monogamous and ill tell you how long a piece of string is…you heard of Herpes(hsv 1 or hsv2)…gonorrhea of throat?..Chlamydia and syphilis……you aint got a clue pal…nah your right.. its natural..to suck on someones excretions..especially if there infected..when your anti bodies fight these parasitic diseases…your susceptible to new viruses…this is the main way you catch aids..and die of pneumonia( no1 killer in world for oldies like you)…ask any doctor(professional)…JOKE

    • http://marriagecoach1.com Marriagecoach1

      So did you make up that email address just to insult me on my blog.
      I am talking about people in committed monagamous relationships,
      not promiscuous people.

      John Wilder

  • Aaron

    Well written. Sadly though, this is more than likely too long of an article to keep her interest and after asking for one roughly two days ago without anything, I think I’m gonna have to throw the towel in. Perhaps this is that ‘final defeat’ my fortune cookie had mentioned.

    • http://marriagecoach1.com Marriagecoach1

      Hey Aaron:
      I feel your pain. I can offer you both a free half hour consultation if you like.

      John wilder

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