Points From a Sex Positive Wife to Wives Everywhere

Aug-11-2012

Here is the link to this great marriage blog about sex. I like to promote other blogs that are marriage and sex positive.

http://marriagelifeministries.org/?p=1258

10 Confessions of Another Sex-Happy Wife

Posted by Alecia under Confession

Many women and now some husbands have been blogging about why sex is such a positive thing. You can read about them here. And I was encouraged to join the bandwagon the other day…

I hesitated because 1) I don’t talk about sex that much because it tends to embarrass me and 2) quite a few women before me have created wonderful lists and I wasn’t sure how much new information I could add to the conversation.

But, you know what? It’s an important conversation. So without any further hesitation…

1)   Our sex life improved after Clint’s affairs. 

You’d think that his infidelity would have created a big rift. But part of my desire to operate in forgiveness was also allowing touch and intimacy between me and my husband.  His affairs were the catalyst to both of us realizing how much we had been missing with each other in the bedroom.

2)  I’ve learned to have sex even when I don’t feel like it.

And you know what? I almost always (ok, always) end up enjoying myself. Sometimes, especially as women, we like to make excuses: We cleaned all day, taking care of kids is exhausting, we didn’t feel emotionally connected to our husbands today….blah, blah, blah…yes, those things are important. But so is sex with my husband. So is not rejecting him when he tells me he wants me. It’s sort of like how they tell you if you’re not happy – smile. Keep smiling. Smile till you believe you’re happy. Smile till you actually are happy. Same goes for sex. Too tired tonight? Do it anyway. What’s that extra 40 minutes going to cost you? Nothing. What’ll you gain? Skies the limit.

3)   It took years to figure out the orgasm thing.

Studies have shown that a majority of women don’t have orgasm during sex. Some studies show that a fair amount of women aren’t orgasming period. That was me – for many years. It had nothing to do with Clint. Other than the fact that he and I both just weren’t communicating very well. Most women need assistance in reaching orgasm outside of plain old intercourse. We need stimulation. We need foreplay. We need to talk about this one more because too many women are buying into the lie that they are alone when they can’t figure this out. There’s no reason why a woman shouldn’t be experiencing an orgasm almost every time she has sex. It just takes a little communication, and a lot of practice makes perfect.

4) I use to not enjoy sex.

You might think that was a direct result of #3. Not so. Honestly, we had so much going on in our everyday relationship that was building up resentment and walls between us that I got to the place where I saw sex as this thing that I did for my husband. And I totally lost sight of the fact that it’s also something I do for myself. Beyond that, it’s also something I do for my marriage. If you’re in that place, take the time to take the walls down. Sex is enjoyable and life is too short to not be making it that!

5)   We’ve learned to think outside the box.

Missionary style? What’s that? Yes we still use it. But we’ve also learned to tweek it. And to try other things as well. It’s nice and comfortable and convenient to stick with what you know but its also nice to throw a little something new and extra in there sometimes. Think beyond just positions. Sex doesn’t always have to be at the same time of day. It doesn’t have to always follow the same pattern.

6)   Variety is the spice of life. 

Speaking of thinking outside the box, we’ve learned to think outside the four walls of our bedroom. Better yet, we’ve learned to think outside the house. Yes, your bedroom is and should be your sanctuary. I’m sure for many of us, it’s also our go-to place. I mean, you can only have sex on the stairs so many times before you end up putting yourself in traction. So the bed is safe. Comfortable. It fits. But sometimes its fun to think and plan beyond those four walls. How about some place outdoors, your car…the neat thing about thinking outside the box is your options are unlimited! And its also fun to drive past a place and sneak a little knowing look at your spouse as you both remember fondly what happened there. Go! Make some memories outside the bedroom!

7)   Sex needs build up.

It’s fun to have spontaneous sex. But, I don’t know about you, with school, work, and kids spontaneity doesn’t comes as easily any more. When there are six people’s schedules to think about, sex needs to be given priority or it just might not happen. When I’m in the mood one of the things that I’ve learned to love to do is send my hubby text messages throughout the day. We also enjoy turning everything into a sexual innuendo. It puts it on both our minds. It gives us something to look forward to. And in a more fun and playful way it sort of puts sex on the schedule for us without us actually putting it on the schedule. We just know on days like that that it is happening and we plan accordingly. Kids bedtimes get bumped up. We are more efficient with use of our time in the evening and we turn in early.

8)   I’ve learned to initiate.

Ladies, men need us to initiate. I know it’s hard. Well, it is for me anyway. I’m scared of rejection. But I look at it this way…imagine how our husbands must feel. They lean over and caress our shoulder and we let out a sigh that clearly screams, “Really? Tonight? Again?” How often do they put up with that because they are in the mood and they are putting their feelers out there to see what chance they have. We’ve got to be willing to do the same thing. Put forth the same effort. And I guarantee that we ladies will get rejected a whole lot less.

9)   Sex is a natural happy pill.

When we have sex more we’re happier. We get along better. We’re united easier. We have fun outside the bedroom more effortlessly. While its true that the quality of your physical intimacy is a direct reflection of the other levels of intimacy in your relationship, the same could be said vice versa. Sex is an important part of the marriage relationship. If we aren’t having sex. Good sex. Fun sex. Regular sex. It will impact all other areas of our marriage.

10) Sex with one person for life is THE best option out there.

I grew up being taught that. Guess what? Now science is actually beginning to back up those ideas. People who are in life long monogamous relationships have better sex lives than those who sleep around. Not only did we both have families who tried to teach us this truth but we learned the hard way through infidelity just why it’s true. In theory you’d think sleeping with a dozen people would make you a better lover but that’s such a myth! I wish more people were actively debunking it! When you are with one person for life you learn how to please that one person – their likes and dislikes – and you learn how to make your bodies work together. Which in turn makes your sex life better. You might have more experience when you sleep around but it’s just that. It’s your experience. Sticking with one person is what creates intimacy and what creates a shared experience. You become better because you completely learn each other the longer you’re together.