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Sharing 8 Vulnerable Moments That Make Sex Better Between You and Your Man

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Jun 8 0

This is a great guest post from an online magazine called Your Tango.

Enjoy, John Wilder

 

8 Vulnerable Moments That Make Sex More Fun

By Dr. Aline Zoldbrod, Dr. Shoshana Bennett, Ph.D.. Posted on Jun 4th 2013.

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Show him your vulnerable side and watch your sex life get hotter!

 

 

Taking naked pics, reading erotica together, and more sexy moments that enhance intimacy.

YourTango is partnering with Durex to bring you “The Power of Intimacy,” a three-week YourTango Experts intensive which focuses on helping couples enhance their sexual and emotional intimacy. In this article, two of our experts discuss how being vulnerable together—taking naked photos, reading erotica aloud, and more—can make sex more fun.

From Dr. Aline Zoldbrod:

More from YourTango: Happy Anniversary Viagra. But You Still Can’t Fix Everything!

1. Write some erotica fueled by your partner’s sexual fantasies and name the characters in the story your real names.Read the erotica to him at a time when you’re both in the mood to have sex. It will bring the two of you together for a few reasons: a) It’s brave and vulnerable to do something creative and share it. b) It shows your partner that you really know him and have been listening to his heart’s desires. c) It will be a turn-on because guys are usually the aggressors, and it will make him feel great to be sought after.

2. Think of a place outside the house that is somewhat public, where you would be willing to risk having sex, like in the car. Think up some excuse for going to such a nearby place and convince him to go with you. Wear a skirt with no underwear. Brush your teeth and wear a bit of perfume, nothing too obvious. Drive the car to the place you have chosen and pull over. Kiss him. Surprise him by offering to have sex in the car. This is vulnerable because for most people, having sex in the car is very scary—and it does carry a bit of risk, so be careful! It will bring you closer together because no matter how it turns out, it will create a fun, private memory for the two of you.

 

3. Make a list of your four most vivid and pleasurable sexual episodes together.Share these with him. This is vulnerable because you are sharing your inner sexual self with him. It also can be very sexy, because repeating these stories will create sexy mental images and bond you together.

 

From Dr. Shoshana Bennett:

1. Masturbate in front of each other, one at a time. Allowing your partner to see you pleasuring yourself will help him understand what makes you feel good. When you watch your partner masturbate, tune in and really pay attention to what turns him on. The next time you makelove, you can each practice what you learned.

More from YourTango: Happy Anniversary Viagra. But You Still Can’t Fix Everything!

2. Tell your partner what you like about your own body when it comes to love-making (the longer your list, the better).For instance, “I love how my long legs can wrap around you when we’re making love.” Appreciating your own body is an essential ingredient of self-confidence in the bedroom as well as very sexy for your partner.

3. Share with your partner three things you’d love more of during sex. To add a bit of intrigue, do this activity at a quiet café, and maybe discreetly write them down instead of verbalizing. Honesty coming from love increases closeness and trust.

4. Read erotic stories together out loud. Pick stories that are respectful but a bit out of your comfort zone. This gives you and your lover permission to use words and describe sexual behavior that you would ordinarily blush at. It can expand your horizons and keep you growing sexually.

5. Take naked pictures of each other, separately and together. Just for your private use, ask your partner to pose in sexy positions and then do the same for your partner. This activity can help strengthen your confidence and release the unnecessary embarrassment that impedes the unabashed sex you ultimately desire. The better you feel about yourself in all ways—including your body—the more you’ll be willing to trust and share yourself intimately with your partner.Chapter1

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Men If You Want More Sex, You Need to Do It Better For Your Wife

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Jun 5 0

I can’t tell you how many women complain to me about how lousy most men are in bed.  it makes me ashamed of my sex.

Too many of you look at sex as an item on your to do list and roll over and go to sleep leaving your wife feeling lie a used piece of meat.

Your wife wants to feel loved and pampered with your love making.  If you want her to give you what you want, IT IS IMPERATIVE TO GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS.

Most women have a lot of trouble telling her man what she wants in bed.  That very negative upbringing from church and parents telling her that:  ”sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don ‘t do it” stays with her often for life.

I suggest asking her to have a conversation with you about sex out of the bedroom when she is calm and relaxed.  Ask her to be brutally honest with you and ask her how can you please her more in bed?  Ask her about her fantasies and tell her that it is perfectly alright to have fantasies.

Most women need more foreplay than most men provide.  I suggest a head to foot massage for about twenty minutes to get her to relax and get into the mood.  Don’t touch any erogenous zones during this massage time.

Then I suggest that when it comes to orgasms, it should always be women first.  Get her off at least once before you consider entering her.  Tell her how beautiful and desirable she is to you.  Give her more kisses and more passionate kisses.

Women are better at multi tasking than men.  When it comes to sex, I suggest that you embrace multi -Chapter1tasking.  Slow down and quit trying to be in a hurry to get off and concentrate on her pleasure.  Kiss her why you are making love with her.  Caress her at the same time, suck on her nipples.  If you are in the doggy position, reach around and stroke her clitoris or better yet apply a vib to her clitoris while making love with her.  Encourage her to get on top and face away from you and let her apply the vib to herself while she is making love with you.

For more suggestions like this, leave me a comment in the comment section and request my book when it comes out entitled:  SEX EDUCATION FOR ADULTS, SECRETS TO AMAZING SEX AND HAPPILY EVER AFTER TOO.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Women’s Sexual Fantasies and How You Can Indulge Them

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Jan 10 0

This is guest post from Men’s Health Magazine, enjoy.  John Wilder

Better

We asked 1,430 women about the best sex of their lives. Great news: the encounters they can’t stop thinking about are the fantasies men thought were forbidden
By Laura Roberson, Posted Date: December 17, 2012

Surrender. Exposure. Dominance, risk, urgency. When 1,430 women told us about the most erotic experiences they’d ever had, those psychological commonalities emerged. Likewise, patterns were clear in their physical descriptions of the sex: It was rushed, it was rough, it was innovative; she felt confident and in control—even when tied up!

What’s going on here? Experts have at least one unifying theory: Passion is primitive. “In the days of nomadic tribes, sex was probably a very public experience,” says Matthew Jones, Ph.D., author of a study on exhibitionism in the journal Sexuality & Culture. “The idea of privacy hadn’t yet come about—people hunted together, ate together, and had sex together. Exhibitionist urges may be a throwback to that.”

But as women traded their animal skins for teddies, they became more hush-hush about sex—and realized that naughty secrets are way more fun. Lucky for you, we coaxed them into sharing. Here are women’s most carnal thrills, and how you can make them come true. (And for thousands of tips that you can unlease in bed, check out The Men’s Health Big Book of Sex.)

MAKEUP SEX

“We were having an argument in his car when all of a sudden things started to get hot. The yelling stopped—we kissed so hard, and then I was naked on top of him, having really good sex in the car, which was parked in front of my house. We totally forgot about the fight.”—Julia, 21

The guy: New boyfriend
Her thrill factor: Rushed

Makeup sex mixes two volatile elements: emotional resolution and physical connection. “There’s a lot of fire and energy in your body—you’ve just experienced a huge surge in adrenaline from the fight,” says Marianne Brandon, Ph.D., a sex therapist and coauthor of Reclaiming Desire. “That creates a powerful sense of release.” It may be impossible to cool that combustion, but it helps to ask: Is this makeup sex. . .or sex to make up? “Sex shouldn’t be used as a Band-Aid for unresolved conflict,” says Justin Sitron, Ph.D., an assistant professor of human sexuality at Widener University. “It should be the result of renewed intimacy.” Julia’s example was spontaneous; if there’s time, make sure she’s in the mood too. “Smile at her and see if she smiles back. Or make a joke about your argument and see if she responds positively,” says Brandon. “You can also try a more tender approach, like rubbing her head or touching her face.”

DOGGY-STYLE 

“He tied me up and then went to town on me downstairs, using his mouth and his hands. Then we had doggy-style sex. It was totally amazing!”—Lauren, 28

The guy: Casual boyfriend
Her thrill factors: Illicit, self-confident, rough

Of course this gives you, Big Dog, an awe-inspiring, primal view. But what makes it so arousing for her? For women, the thrill of rear-entry sex may be more mental than physical, a recent study from Wayne State University found. “Women feel a certain level of exposure that they don’t necessarily feel in other positions,” Brandon says. “And the sense of vulnerability helps them feel erotic.” That’s not to say the physical aspect is lacking, though—for some women, doggy-style can be a prime position for G-spot stimulation, says Sitron. If your partner craves face-to-face connection (or feels shy), suggest having sex in a modified spooning position—that is, with your stomach resting on her side—so you can still make eye contact. Another option: doggy-style in front of a mirror. Speaking of which. . .

SEX IN FRONT OF MIRRORS

“We both came twice while we watched our reflection in the mirrors.”—Natasha, 30

The guy: A stranger
Her thrill factor: Self-confident

Sure, mirrored ceilings are a sexual cliche—but for good reason. “During sex, mirrors let you occupy two perspectives: the exhibitionist and also the voyeur, since you’re viewing yourself,” says Jones. Fooling around in front of mirrors also offers you a new view of her: “You can see aspects of your partner’s body that may be lost from other angles—how she sweats or flushes in certain areas, the way her back arches,” says Sitron. If seeing her in action is what excites you, ask her to masturbate while you watch indirectly through a mirror. “This adds another voyeuristic layer,” says Sitron. And about masturbation.

MUTAL MASTURBATION

“My boyfriend took the time to make me feel comfortable and really sexy before asking me to masturbate in front of him. He maintained eye contact and kept telling me how beautiful I was and how hot it was to see me lose control. This has become a staple in our foreplay—sometimes we even start off by masturbating together.”—Sara, 21

Need more hot ways to get her off? Check out the Sex Position Playbook.

 

The guy: Boyfriend
Her thrill factor: Exhibitionistic

Letting someone else in on your solo sex life can be nerve-racking for both men and women. But it can also be enlightening and intensely intimate. “You see your partner at the height of pleasure, without the question of, ‘Am I performing well?’” says Sitron. She may feel self-conscious at first, so suggest masturbating at the same time under the covers while maintaining eye contact, says Brandon. Reinforce how arousing she is, and eventually she may become comfortable tossing the sheets aside. And then you’ll see exactly how she likes to be touched. Take notes.

MAXIMUM EXPOSURE

“My boyfriend and I were in the Gulf of Mexico, playing in the water out really deep. I straddled him, and we started kissing and grinding on each other. Soon my bikini bottom was pushed to the side, and his board shorts were undone. We had to grind very slowly because a couple of ladies were not too far way.”—Angela, 25

The guy: Long-term boyfriend
Her thrill factors: Exhibitionistic, rough, romantic, rushed

The risk of being caught was cited by 38 percent of the women in our hottest-sex survey. “Whether or not others see you, exposing yourself to the risk of discovery is an act of exhibitionism,” says Jones. “You just have to believe you might be seen. The sensory arousal of fear combines with the sensory experience of sex.” In other words, your brain may interpret that fear-fueled adrenaline rush as passion. “Start with kissing outside at night. Darkness feels safe, and most women are comfortable making out in a semipublic setting,” says Brandon. If she seems at ease, propose going further. You may find that she’s surprisingly receptive-more than a quarter of women in our survey named outdoor, public, or semi-public places (like a car) as the hottest spots for sex. And it can naturally combine with. . .

ROUGH SEX

“We were house hunting and I went to check out the bathroom. He crept up behind me and pressed his body against my back. He ran his hands down my neck and caressed my breasts while nuzzling my ear and biting my neck. He massaged my clitoris through my clothes and then turned me around, passionately kissed me, and ripped my clothes off. We had sex against the wall—and then decided to buy the place!”—Jessica, 26

The guy: Husband
Her thrill factor: Rough

Nearly half the women we surveyed said their most erotic experience involved “rough” sex. You don’t have to go all whips and chains, though. “Rough doesn’t necessarily mean painful,” says Brandon. “It’s probably more about very intense, primal sex—almost animalistic.” A couple of beginner moves: light hair-pulling and biting. Start by grabbing a sizable chunk of her hair—the sensation will be less intense than if you take hold of a few strands—and pull at the roots, not the ends. Then engage in a little gentle nibbling—inner thigh, nipples, neck, ears—and then eventually progress to biting. You need to apply only about as much force as required to bite into a banana, says Sitron. Just make sure to communicate throughout the encounter so you know that she’s comfortable and as aroused as you are. Then maybe you can start to introduce . . .

BONDAGE

“We did it Fifty Shades style before it was a book: dimmed lights, lots of mild bondage, blindfolds, feathers and ice to tease, taking sexy photographs, different rooms in the house and all different positions. It was all about doing things that felt taboo.”—Skye, 29

The guy: Husband
Her thrill factors: Innovative, sensual, rough

Sure, Fifty Shades of Grey took bondage mainstream, but women have been fantasizing for decades about being tied up. In fact, even in the 1980s—the era of Fabio—researchers concluded that the plots of romance novels “suggest a desire for domination.” But it’s not so much the external—the leather and cuffs—that excites her as the internal experience. “Bondage is really about playing with an aspect of yourself you don’t often experience in daily life,” Sitron says.

It’s okay to use Fifty Shades of Grey as inspiration, but your ultimate goal should be to find out what arouses both of you as a couple. An easy starting point: “Tying her hands with your necktie may mean a lot more to her than using handcuffs,” says Sitron. “Or you can try vinyl straps with Velcro, which can feel less permanent but are still strong.” To give her license to unleash, establish a safe word to signal discomfort. Sitron’s suggestion: Choose a color, like “fuchsia”—it’s a word that isn’t likely to come up in sex play but won’t completely kill the mood either (like, say, your grandmother’s name would).

SEX AFTER BEING APART

“My boyfriend and I hadn’t seen each other for at least a week, and I came home to new lingerie and a candlelit apartment. We did it everywhere and in every position possible! The best was fast, rough doggy-style. It was a night of multiple orgasms.”—Emily, 23

The guy: Long-term boyfriend
Her thrill factors: Self-confident, exhibitionistic, romantic, rough

Distance primes you for sex as thrilling as your first-time hookup. “When you’re not around each other all the time, you can appreciate aspects of the relationship you might not notice when you’re buried under all the mundane parts of daily life,” says Sitron. The key to reheating the relationship is initiating reconnection before you come home—she may have forced herself to not think about you, since it would only make her miss you. So before your arrival, shoot her a sexy text—What’s your favorite part of having sex with me?—and then plan something romantic for your reunion. “What does she appreciate in the reentry process?” asks Sitron. “For some women, bringing back a box of gourmet chocolates can help connect her to your experience. Others might want a massage and downtime.” And when you finally do come together. . .

SIMULTANEOUS ORGASM

“For New Year’s Eve, we made a plan to delay pleasure so we would both be able to reach orgasm at midnight.”—Chimene, 34

The guy: New boyfriend
Her thrill factor: Sensual
Chimene’s example is good for special occasions only. Part of the amazing high of simultaneous orgasm is the serendipity of it, says Sitron. Plus, “It’s hard to do. You don’t want sex to become an obstacle course, leading to this one thing that means you did it right.” That said, climaxing in sync is associated with higher sexual, relationship, and life satisfaction for both sexes, according to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Just don’t expect intercourse alone to do the trick—the study revealed that few couples consistently peak together during penetration. “With intercourse alone, it can be difficult to reach orgasm purposefully,” says Citron. “Men climax quickly through intercourse, while women may have a harder time.” So pick a position that slows you down, and speed her up with a vibrator. Or try 69—orgasm through oral sex can be easier to control.

WOMEN DIVULGE THE HOT MOVES THEY CRAVE, BUT ARE TOO SHY TO SUGGEST

“Put my arms above my shoulders. Hold them down so I’m just dying to touch you back but can’t.”—Christie, 25

“Blindfold me so I can’t watch what you’re doing.”—Christine, 21

“Stop treating me like I”m made of glass. Soft, sensual ssex is nice, but sometimes I need you to make me feel dirty.”—Amanda, 23

WOMEN REVEAL THE STEAMY WAYS THEY’VE REACHED SEXUAL NIRVANA IN THE BEDROOM

“We ordered a bunch of toys—vibrator, dildo, bondage cuffs, liberator pillow, lube—online, and had an ‘unboxing night’ at his house.”—Skye, 29

“He asked me to send him pictures of what I like, positions to try, fantasies. Doing research on Google Images makes catching the train to work more interesting.—Lauren, 28

“While he’s inside me, I’ll make him stop just for a second to feel me tighten.”—Melanie, 24

 

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20 Quotes from Sex Comedy Movies

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Nov 20 0

This guest post is compliments of Frisky Magazine, enjoy

John Wilder

 

You realize we’re all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.” – Jim Levenstein (Jason Biggs) in “American Pie.”

“See, when a girl decides that you’re her friend, you’re no longer a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp.” – Chris Brander (Ryan Reynolds) in “Just Friends

“That’s what I love about high school girls, man. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.” – David Wooderson (Matthew McConaughey) in “Dazed and Confused.”

“Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bull’s-eye.” – Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn) in “Wedding Crashers.”

Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate.” — Rachel Hansen (Chloe Moretz) in “(500) Days of Summer.”

“My closest relationship is with my Blackberry. Thank God it vibrates!” – Kara Monahan (Jessica Biel) in “Valentine’s Day.”

“We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you.” – Gigi Phillips (Ginnifer Gdwin) in “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

“Well, as far as I’m concerned, the Internet is just another way of being rejected by women.” – George Pappas (Steve Zahn) in “You’ve Got Mail.”

“The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don’t know how to screw you.” – Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall) in “Sex and the City.”

“You and I are such similar creatures Vivian. We both screw people for money.” – Edward Lewis (Richard Gere) in “Pretty Woman.”

“I’ll have what she’s having.” – Older woman customer (Estelle Reiner) in “When Harry Met Sally.”

“Couples should never split up between Thanksgiving and January 2nd. Always have a relationship to see you through the holidays. Always.” – Alfie (Jude Law) in “Alfie.”

“When I see them all running like that, with their things bouncing around in their shorts, I always picture them naked, even if I don’t want to. All I see is pork swords.” – Juno (Ellen Page) in “Juno.”

“I gave him everything! I was half a virgin when I met him.” – Regina George (Rachel McAdams) in “Mean Girls.”

“I’m glad he’s single because I’m going to climb that like a tree.” – Megan (Melissa McCarthy) in “Bridesmaids.”

“I have a weakness for prostitutes – all kinds apparently.” Stu (Ed Helms) in “The Hangover Part II.”

Emma: “Congrats? For what, having sex with you?” Adam: “You did a good job, so… I thought you deserved a balloon.”- Emma (Natalie Portman) and Adam (Ashton Kutcher) in “No Strings Attached.”

“When a girl tells you how many guys she’s slept with, multiply it by three and that’s the real number. Didn’t you f–kers learn anything in college?” – Stifler (Sean William Scott) in “American Pie 2.”

“Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond,’ only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” – Pete (Paul Rudd) in “Knocked Up.”

“You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!” – Andy Stitzer (Steve Carell) in “The Forty Year Old Virgin”

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What the Bible Says is Sexual Sin, SURPRISE Masturbation Is Not Sin

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Nov 7 1

 

It is indeed surprising how many main-stream pastors who would eschew “proof texting”  have no problem doing exactly that when it comes to masturbation.  Sadly the discussion of sex in churches in our country are limited to it is “bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it”.  They completely miss out on all the sex positive messages from the bible and that sex is a gift from God.

The churches completely ignore a NT mandated ministry in Titus 2 where it says:  “that the older women of the church are supposed to teach the younger women of the church how to love their husbands (sexually) so that the Word of God is not blasphemed”  As a result there is a lot of lousy sex going on out there because so many women have real ambivalence over their sexuality.  Sex is of course on of the big 3 that couples fight about and divorce over.

We live in a very puritanical society, not unlike the middle east who are also puritanical about sex.  As a result, we have the highest divorce rate on the planet.

Let us not therefore judge one another any more; but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or occasion to fall in his brother’s way.  Romans 14:13

We tell our kids not to masturbate that it is a sin.  God made the sex drive one of the most powerful known to man.  You lay a huge load of guilt on kids over this.

For the record, there is no place in the bible stating that masturbation is a sin or even referring to it.  The Catholic church talks about the sin of Onan in Genesis 38 where he spilled his seed on the ground.  This however had nothing at all to do with masturbation but Onan was having sex with his deceased brother’s wife according to Jewish law to raise up an heir to his deceased brother.  God performed the death penalty on Onan for his sin of disobedience.

The bible is very  explicit and detailed in what God defines as sexual sin;  Tokens of virginity were required of the bride (bloody sheets) in Deut 22:15-17.

Daughters were not supposed to be a whore and fathers were not to pimp out their daughters as whores in Leviticus 19:29 and 21:7,9

Priests of the temple could not have any blemish or physical abnormality including having damaged testicles (and they wanted to inspect them) in Leviticus 21:20

Priests were required to marry only a virgin of his tribe according to Leviticus 21:13

Speaking of testicles, if a wife observing her husband in a fight with  another man and the other man was beating up her husband, if she grabbed the man’s testicles to be an equalizer to help her husband in the fight, her hand was to be amputated. Deut 25:11-12

Not only was incest forbidden but God gave us every possible family combination considered incest in Leviticus 18:6-18

You were not supposed to have sex with your wife on her  period (OT only, Hebrews 13:4 dispenses with the ceremonial laws) in Leviticus 18:19

You were not to commit adultery with your neighbor’s wife in Leviticus 18:20

You were not supposed to have homosexual sex according to Leviticus 18:22

Men and women were forbidden to have sex with animals I n Leviticus 18:23

You were not supposed to have orgy sex to false gods in Leviticus 20:5

If you persuade a virgin to have sex with you then you are required to marry her according to Deut 22:28-29

Cross dressing was forbidden in Deut 22:5 for both men and women.

We are told to flee fornication in the NT in the following chapters: Gal 5:19, Eph 5:3, and Col 3:5.  But so many people mis-translate fornication as having sex as singles..  What fornication actually means is not to earn your living as a temple prostitute in the false god worship which consisted of mass orgies in the groves to false gods.  Because people were poor, the would be paid prostitutes to help people who did not have a willing partner to have sex with. There was a split in pay between the prostitute and the temple.  Fornication in the Greek is where we get our word for pornography.  The literal Greek is porneuo and pornea which is a male and female prostitute.

Have you noticed that there is no mention of masturbation here?  God created sex as a gift for us and for our pleasure.  It is such a strong drive in us that God allowed young teens to get married to have a legal outlet for their sexuality.  This is demonstrated in Proverbs 5 where it says:

Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice always with the wife of your YOUTH (young teens).  Let her be as a loving hind and a pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy you at all times and be thou always RAVISHED in her love.  Prov 5:18-19  Ravished is a biblical word for having great sex

Because sex is such a strong drive in man, God allowed multiple wives and concubines for men to have legal sex with when the primary wife turned them down for sex.

This of course changed with the Proverbs 31woman where the wife was tasked with now taking care of all the husband’s sexual needs instead of having multiple wives and concubines where it says that he will have no need of spoil. Spoil is an arcane term where the conquering armies got to take the stuff from dead soldiers houses including the pretty young widows.  It says that the husband will praise her and the scholars in The Thompson’s Chain Reference Bible rightly translate this into his appreciation for her sexual  submission and conjugal love as a footnote in the margin.

In I Cor 7:3-5 we are told that the husband does not have the right to refuse his wife sex nor does the wife have the right to refuse her husband sex.  Pretty sex positive don’t you think?

So considering all of these scriptures you must realize that to define masturbation as a sin, you must posit that God made a mistake that we have to correct because God forgot to mention masturbation as the sin that we all KNOW THAT IT IS.

Well according to the bible we are not supposed to add to the word or take away from it.

You shall not add to the word which I command you, nor take from it, that You may keep the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you.  Deut 4:2

 Whatever I command you, you shall be careful to observe it:  You shall not add to it or take away from it.  Deut 12:32

 Every word  of God is pure: He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.  Do not add to His words, lest He rebuke you and you be found a liar. Proverbs 30:6

 I know that whatever God does, it shall be forever.  Nothing can be addedTo it and nothing can be taken from it.  God does it that men should fear Him.  That which is already been and what is to be has already been: And God requires an account of what is past.  Eccl 3:14-15

 For I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book:  If anyone adds to these things, God will add unto him the plagues that are written in this book; and if anyone takes away from the words of this book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part from the Book of Life from the Holy City and from the things which are written in this book.  Rev 22:18

We as Christians are supposed to only teach biblical truths and not make up our rules and man- made doctrines like Catholics do.  We are believers in the book but sadly we are seeing legalism creep into our churches to our people’s detriment.  This is specifically forbidden by Jesus in the following scripture:

And in vain do they worship Me, teaching for doctrines the commandments Of men.  For laying aside the commandment of God, you hold the tradition of men, the washing of pitchers and cups, and many other such things you do.   He said to them, All to well you reject the commandment of God, that you may  keep your tradition  Mark 7:7-9

We also had a problem with Asceticism cropping up in the NT which is also forbidden in the following scripture:

Therefore, if you died with Christ from the basic principles of the world, why, as though living the world do you subject yourselves to regulation Do not touch, do not taste, do not handle, which all concern things which perish with the using-according to the commandments and doctrines of men.  These things indeed have the appearance of wisdom in self-imposed Religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are no value against the indulgence of the flesh. Col 2:20-23

To follow asceticism places us back into Works Salvation as prescribed by the Godless philosophies of Buddhism, Jainism and Hinduism.

The proof texted verse is the only one that people who argue for masturbation is a sin is found in Math 5:28

But I say unto you whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her already in his heart.

This is an impossible standard that Jesus set for us but a goal to strive to reach in our lives.  The idea was to avoid sexual sin.  The answer is to masturbate to relieve the sexual tension that would cause us to lust after a woman.  To make it a legalism defies Christ’s teachings.  There are numerous examples of the Pharisees trying to pin Jesus down on some legalism found in the law.  Jesus always taught compassion.

I can remember that in my twenties I decided to see just how long I could go without sexual relief in masturbation.  I lasted for two weeks.  During this time I had constant erections and lusted constantly after women.  Normally I masturbated every day to contain and control my lustful thoughts and embarrassing erections.

Paul talked about keeping his body under subjection and we can infer that he was referring to masturbation to do so because of the previously stated sexual arousal when you don’t have sexual relief.

Finally here is the slam dunk verse that proves that masturbation is not a sin:

And if a man’s seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the evening.  And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the evening.  The woman also with whom man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both wash themselves in water, and be unclean until the evening.  Leviticus 15:16-18

Now the bible does not say how the man’s sperm is discharged whether a nocturnal emission or masturbation, it simply says that if his seed is discharged then he needs to take a bath.  Masturbation feels good and gives us sexual relief when we are not married.  Even little girls routinely masturbate if left to their own devices unless a scolding parent tells them that it is bad, dirty and wrong.  We have no business laying this legalism on our kids or ourselves..

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Great Sex Techniques for Men To Become a Hero In the Bedroom

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Feb 22 9

Sexual Foreplay and After Play, Be a Hero In The Bedroom

FOREPLAY AND AFTERPLAY

As a marriage, relationship, and sexual coach, I can’t believe how much lousy sex is happening out there. Maybe you are experiencing less than great sex with the man in your life or past men in your life. As a man speaking in defense of men, there is really no place for men to learn how to give our partners great sex. There is no SCHOOL FOR SEX out there. We all know where the body parts go, but men for the most part do not adequately understand a woman’s sexuality and how to give you fantastic sex. It is for this reason that I am writing this article. If you share this article with the man that you care about and tell him that you would really like to experience these things and ask him to do them with you, I promise, you will have better more enjoyable sex.

In conversations with women, I have come to understand that you need a transition period from the rat race to moving towards making love with your man. Most of you don’t have an “instant on” like men.

1. Brushing Hair Now I realize that for most of you, you are not necessarily going to get sexually aroused from having your hair brushed. What it does however is to give you that transition time to move towards sexual availability. The act of having your hair brushed is very pleasurable and releases endorphins in the brain. You feel pampered and that pampered feeling then causes you to have affectionate feelings towards your man. Five to ten minutes of hair brushing is a wonderful way to decompress from the daily grind. Animals instinctively groom each other and is something that we should do more. Your life will be better with more tactile stimulation.

2. Head to Toe Massage This technique has worked for me with every partner that I have ever been with. It is so effective as an arousal technique that I had an ex wife who would not make love with me unless I gave her a massage first. I start by stoking and lightly scratching a woman’s scalp with my fingernails. I then proceed from her neck all the way down to her feet. I spend more time massaging a woman’s butt like I am kneading bread. You have nerve endings in your butt that you did not even know that you have. I have never failed getting a woman wet from massaging her butt. I go on down and spend time massaging her feet. There is good reason for this. All of the nerve endings in your body terminate in your feet. By massaging the feet, you stimulate and wake up all of the nerves in a woman’s body. It prepares the rest of her body to be stimulated and aroused.

3. Let Your Man Undress You But Stop Him at Bra and Panties. (Author’s aside: So many of you out there are wearing utilitarian underwear, white nylon panties with no lace and a functional bra. Men get turned on visually, make sure that you have lacy and frilly bras and panties. Would you want a present that was not nicely wrapped or a cake with no frosting on it? Men need to see you in lacy and frilly lingerie.) The logic behind the man undressing you and having you stop him at bra and panties is to slow him down. The act of undressing you is a turn on for both of you as well. I tell my clients sex feels good, why rush it. Far too many men treat lovemaking like they do masturbation, they want to get it over in a hurry. Once you are down to bra and panties, have him continue a different variation of massage by lightly and slowly running fingertips up and down your entire body on both sides. This is incredibly arousing for you.

4. Lightly Stroke Nipples Through The Bra The idea behind keeping those bras and panties on and slowing down also reminds us of a bygone time in high school where we were furtively fondling. It adds to the excitement. Having your man lightly stroking your nipples through the bra gets them erect. Then let him slide his hand inside the cup of the bra before you allow him to remove your bra, all the while kissing you. Then he can remove the bra and proceed to more vigorous stimulation of your breasts and nipples by sucking them hard and fondling your breasts.

5. Stimulate you and stroke you through your panties Have him lightly stoke the midline of your vagina back and forth through your panties. Then have him blow hot breath through the panties over your clitoris. The warmth of his breath and the pressure of his lips on your mound through the panties is wonderfully arousing. Then have your man hook a finger inside the leg band of your panties and have him run his finger up and down inside the leg-band of the panties on both sides without actually touching your vagina. This will have you becoming very aroused and getting wet. After a few minutes of him doing this, then you can let him slide his hand inside your panties. It is not only arousing but brings back those memories of heavy petting in high school or maybe even junior high for some of you. After an extended session of this, then have him pull your panties off very slowly. The slow removal of panties is very erotic and sensual. If you really want to turn it up a notch and get passionate, have him literally rip your panties off by hooking his hand in the waistband and with one very strong yank, literally rip them off of you. What you lose by the panties being ruined, you gain in tremendous arousal. Every partner that I have ever done this with has gotten incredibly turned on because of the fear and the excitement that the act engenders in them. Most women like to be taken forcefully sometimes by a strong confident man.

6. Vaginal Penetration with the Tongue. Most men naturally go for your clitty (author’s slang term for clitoris. It sounds much cuter and not so damned clinical). Instead ask him to run his tongue up and down between your vaginal lips and then have him penetrate your vagina repeatedly with his tongue. You will find this incredibly arousing and better prepares your clitty for stimulation with his tongue.

7. Clitty Stimulation Techniques Instead of licking your clitty right away, have him gently pull back the foreskin (yes the hood over your clitty is analogous to a man’s foreskin on an uncircumcised penis.) He then can suck on your clitty like he is sucking a milkshake though a straw. This will cause your clitty to swell from engorging with blood similar to a man getting an erection. It will actually lengthen and grow in circumference similar to a man’s erection. He then can move up and down like you do giving him a blow job. It is a clitty blow job and feels wonderful. After a few minutes of that he can use what I call the “machine gun tongue”. This is a super fast stroking of your clitty with his tongue that will give you powerful orgasms. The way to do that is to have him flex his tongue against his upper lip to use as a spring and forcefully flick his tongue past that upper lip onto your clitty. This enables him to move his tongue much faster simulating a vibrator. For even more stimulation, have him growl like a bear while he is doing this. The act of growling makes his vocal cords vibrate which will then transmit those vibrations through his tongue onto your clitty.

8. Multi-sensory Inputs As you know, most women are better at multi-tasking than are men. Lovemaking is one area where you would benefit by encouraging your man to multi-task. While he is licking and sucking on your clitty, he can be penetrating your vagina with his fingers in and out with one hand and rolling your nipple around in his fingers with the other hand. The additional stimuli you will find very arousing. There is a precedent for this. Phil Spectre pioneered what he called the “Wall of Sound”. This technique involved adding multiple tracks of sound for a lusher musical auditory experience. Chefs use what they call “Adding layers of Flavor”. The point is, the multi-sensory inputs mean better pleasure for you just like in cooking and music.

9. Anal Stimulation Many people view this as a taboo. That is too bad because there are incredible pleasure nerve endings in the anus. This is of course when you want to be squeaky clean maybe just after a romantic shower for two. If you want to be absolutely antiseptic (which is not necessary, I have never gotten sick from giving a partner a “rim job”) you can take an antiseptic baby wipe and wrap it around a finger and clean the inside of the anus. At any rate have your man lick the anus and then penetrate your anus with his tongue in and out. Have him spread your butt cheeks apart so that he can enter it even deeper with his tongue. Once you get past the idea and let yourself go (and him too) you will find that it is incredibly arousing. Be willing to do it to your guy as it is very pleasurable for us as well. In another article I will explain how to have anal sex and that you can actually climax with anal sex. This article is about foreplay not actual intercourse.

10. Stroking your vagina with his penis. Before your man enters you for intercourse, have him take by now his erect penis and stroke it between your vaginal lips and on your clitty. Have him tease the entrance of your vagina with it. This will cause you to get exceedingly wet and your vagina can actually ache from the desire to be penetrated. Believe me two or three minutes of this kind of stimulation will have you literally begging him to take you and enter you. That will of course be a huge turn on and compliment for him.

AFTERPLAY TECHNIQUES

Now I know that the idea of after play to you seems unlikely.
You feel that you don’t get enough foreplay and usually once a man

Climaxes, then it is usually all over. Tell your man that you still
Have climaxes left in you and you would like him to get you off
some more. Tell him how horny he makes you and that you
want more of him. This is usually enough to persuade him.

11. Getting additional Orgasms Most men do not understand
That once he has you to this level of sexual excitement, it is a lot easier for you to achieve additional orgasms. Here is how you can easily knock off another ten orgasms. Get a Hitachi Magic Wand Vibrator. You have to order it on-line. It is the most intense, most powerful vibrator out there. You turn it on high and place it at your clitty. You have your man rhythmically finger you with his thumb, (a thumb is a lot bigger and close to the size of your man’s erect penis in girth) while also sucking on your nipples at the same time. The combination of the multiple sensory inputs will easily and powerfully give you additionally orgasms. This might so turn your man on that he gets another erection for another go round. Be sure and be very complimentary to him for taking such good care of you and you love how he makes you come with multiple orgasms. Positive reinforcement does wonders to encourage your guy to do it for you on a regular basis.

12. Once you are both satisfied, have him go into the bathroom an
And get a large towel and have him soak it in very hot water. Then have him wring it out very well and have him give you a hot towel massage. Have him pay careful attention to cleaning up between your legs. You will feel wonderfully pampered and be sure to ooh and aah. Then have him get a dry towel and dry you off and then have him powder your whole body down with your favorite powder. Then have him climb back in bed with you for cuddling time and spooning. You should put on a pair of silky panties, (not thongs) for spooning because the feeling of his penis against your butt covered by silky panties feels very erotic to him. The silkiness of the back of your panties reminds him of the wonderful feeling of the silky interior of your wet vagina. Have him lovingly stroke your butt through those panties. You will love the feeling of his hand stroking your butt and he will love the feeling of those silky panties against his penis and against his hand. If you include all of these techniques, I guarantee you happier and more satisfied sex.

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Women Here Is Some Great Sex Advice From the Bible

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Jan 29 2

Let her breasts satisfy thee at ALL times and be thou always RAVISHED in her love. Proverbs 5:19

You will never see this biblical passage preached on in a sermon or taught on in a sunday school and that is too bad. Churches are all about telling girls and women that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it. There are many more sex positive messages like these in the bible.

So let me give you a little biblical interpretation from this particular passage. Men love your breasts. Some times we need comfort in them when the world has beat us up. I call this titty nuzzling where I just want to bury my face in my woman’s breasts and seek comfort there and for her to make it all better.

This is sort of the reverse where the woman has had a very bad day and she seeks comfort in a man’s strong arms holding her and making it better for her. Men are strong but sometimes they feel weak and need encouragement and comfort from your breasts. You would do well to wrap your arms around his head and tell him to enjoy your breasts as long as he needs to and that it is okay with you and you want him to seek comfort from your breasts.

Men also love it when you rub your breasts against him in public, like standing close to him and holding his arm and pressing your breasts against the back of it to reassure him that you are his woman and proud to be so. We also love it when you rub your breasts against our naked bodies in bed.

I love it when a woman will give me a nipple massage, rubbing just her nipples up and down my body but especially against my penis. I love it when a woman is riding me on top and she leans forward and every stroke, caresses her breasts against my chest. See you never knew that your breasts were so multi faceted and useful to please your man.

The accented word is at ALL times. Not just when you feel like it. A man does not feel loved or respected when you reject his sexual overtures. He resents it especially if you force him to masturbate alone.

Ravished is a great biblical word meaning GREAT SEX. Don’t just lay there with your legs spread while he pounds away at you. Be active, be involved, let him know that you enjoy him trying to pleasure you. Give him sex willingly and lovingly. It is the greatest relationship insurance that you can have. Your man won’t be tempted to cheat on you if you willingly take care of his sexual needs. And finally don’t always make him approach you for sex. Take the initiative once in a while. Men Love that. And be willing to wear lingerie that pleases him. Men love seeing you in lacy frilly lingerie with some color and lace trim. The relationship that you save could well be your own.

Blessings on you and yours John Wilder

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The Number 1# Mistake Most Wives Make

By Leave a Comment
Sep 13 35

This is a great guest post found in Your Frisky online magazine for women. It completely agrees with what I have been writing on here. Read it, the marriage that you save could be your own.
Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder

By Sarah Baron
A friend of the Anonymous8 is a single middle age woman who is petite, beautiful, and a go-getter. She has dated a lot. She is interested in a long term relationship, so she is careful who she dates. She has gone out with numerous men, and boy, did she learn something interesting from listening to them.

One night she explained that she made a major discovery about men from her new dating life. Now, we are all curious. We wondered what is it that she found out?

What she has discovered is so simple and basic and it makes so much sense that you will want to slap yourself in the forehead. Sometimes you need to hear it from the outside to see if it applies to you.
First, almost all of the men she has seen are divorcees. She explains that every one of her dates tells her the same story.

“Ladies, let me tell you what. All of these men, they say exactly the same thing to me. And you can see it in each of their eyes. They felt ignored, like their needs weren’t met, like they were last on the list. They tell me this EVERY SINGLE TIME (take your index finger and tap it with vigor on the table while reading that for emphasis), that they were put behind the kids and the friends and were not led to feel as important as other parts of their ex-wives lives. They were lonely. Each man’s story – it’s like a broken record.” And with that last thought, she lets out a sigh.

She goes on. From there, the marriages start to die. These men saw the needs of everyone else came before their needs were met. They were all lonely, and things fell apart.

Of course, this got us all thinking. Have we been doing this to our husbands? Or have our husbands been doing this to us? And it was a slap in the face, a wake up call, and a chance to readjust some of our priorities.

The moral of the story for me is that marriage needs to be at the top of the priority list. I heard it once like this – take care of yourself first (yea! like that’s real easy or achievable when you are in the trenches with kids and jobs and husbands to tend to…), your marriage second, and your kids third. Kids need a happy mom and dad, a supportive family unit, and parents who invest in each other.

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How To Keep Your Marriage Strong In Spite of Kids, Have Sex More

By Leave a Comment
Aug 26 9

This is another great guest post from WebMd

Raising kids isn’t easy. Do you know the keys to staying happily married with children?

By Susan Davis
WebMD Health News

Ah, the joys of raising children: The pitter-patter of little feet, the tiny plump hands slipped into yours, the first day of school…and the bitter arguments with your spouse over who gets to go to the gym after work tonight.

While children are wonderful, there’s no question that their arrival can put strains on a marriage. Between the lack of sleep, fragmented attention, and, in some cases, strained finances, parents often find themselves losing the connection that brought them together in the first place — if not fighting like cats and dogs over who does more housework, who pays more bills, and who knows best how to raise a child.

A recent study of 218 couples over the first eight years of marriage found a sudden negative aspect to measures such as relationship satisfaction once couples became parents, compared to those who didn’t. And while the researchers found that childless marriages also lose some luster over time, having babies takes the shine off faster than when couples remain child-free.

The Importance of the Marital Bond

“The writer Nora Ephron once said, ‘Having a baby is like throwing a hand grenade into a marriage,’” says Charles Schmitz, PhD. “I’ve always thought that was pretty apt.” Schmitz, who is dean emeritus of counseling and family therapy at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, and his wife, Elizabeth Schmitz, EdD, president of Successful Marriage Reflections, LLC, have studied thousands of couples in 45 countries in their search for the secrets to a happy marriage. And one of the key ones, they say, is figuring out what your priorities are and should be.

“The relationship between husband and wife should trump everything else,” Charles says. “You have to keep it strong, keep the romantic energy. Everything else comes from that. Children are beautiful, but they’re not the sole purpose of marriage.”

That’s why, they say, when married-with-children couples start to bicker or grow apart, it’s time to change the patterns they have fallen into. “We believe that sometimes you have to jolt your marriage from negative to positive,” Elizabeth says.

“If your husband comes home and you immediately start arguing about housework, you have to change the conversation. Don’t start with complaints. Start with an expression of appreciation.”

Tips for Keeping Your Marriage Strong

Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz traveled the world to study thousands of successful couples. Their book, Building a Love That Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage, details what they learned, including these findings:

Time in — Whether it’s a date night, a walk in the park, or going for a bike ride, “you have to spend time together to keep the flame alive,” Elizabeth says. “You have to allow time for each other.”

Time out — Conversely, alone time is also crucial. “In the best marriages, spouses allow each other time for solitude, so they can think private thoughts or just get things done,” Elizabeth says.

Touchy, touchy — Successful couples use the “Morse code of marriage,” Charles says. “It’s called touching. It’s a substitute for talking about feelings. You are saying, ‘I love you so much I have to touch you.’”

SOURCES: Doss, B. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2009; vol 96: pp 601-619. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz, authors, Building a Love that Lasts: The 7 Secrets of a Happy Marriage. ©2011 WebMD, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

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The Ultimate Blow Job, Letting Him Come in Your Mouth and Swallowing

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Jan 12 124

Chapter1

This is my top read post for over two years.  It has been downloaded thousands of times and my blog is now well over 200,000 page views.  It says that blow jobs are still the most controversial and underpracticed by women.  Women, you need to get over your inhibitions and disgust over this.  This is one of the great ways to show love for your man along with occasionally talking dirty in bed.  If you want more romance you need to be willing to romance your man in return.  I suggest the big 3 for men, lacy and frilly lingerie with color, giving him a good blow job once in a while and once in a while talking dirty to him.  Try it my way for just thirty days as an experiment and see how great it does for your man and your relationship

It is not even my blog post but a guest blog by a woman who agrees with me about what a woman should do sexually for a man. In that vein I am reposting the blog. Even today, it outpulled my main page blog post.

This is another guest post from a woman who has been reading my blog named Sharon and who agrees with me and my sexual posts. She encourages women to give their men the ultimate blow job as do I. Nothing will make him feel more special and more masculine than when you get over your inhibitions and learn to swallow his come. If you do this, you virtually make your man untemptable by another woman.

SWALLOWING YOUR MAN’S CUM LOAD
Ladies ladies ladies……….
What is the big deal of swallowing your man’s semen when you are giving him head. I’m sure you try new foods from time to time and different drinks from time to time or new candies or cookies from time to time.

And swallowing your man’s cum is just another taste of something. It comes from your man’s body which is not dirty, he has a sexual organ different than our own but even so his semen is unique to his body. It is one of the ultimate pleasures for a man to know that his woman will do that and appreciate the maleness that he has and the man that he is and all the masculinity that defines him.

Why would you not want to give your man the most – he is always willing and eager to please his woman. He never winces at the thought of eating you, or licking you, or sucking you. It turns him on to do this for you because he knows it pleases you with all those good feelings. And because he knows it turns you on – it ultimately turns him on knowing that he turns you on. So do not treat him any less by refusing to swallow his cum. You can start off small, by having him shoot it onto your body and you finger some up and taste it and do not make a face. When you get bolder have him shoot it to the back of your throat so you won’t get a full force of tasting him. And when you get bolder, it’s not bad to have a bottle of water there close by to wash it down. Doing this ladies will keep you close to your man’s heart because he will know in his mind that you take his ultimate load with no problem and that alone turns him on.

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